Goodbye

Stupif feeling Monday, February 27, 2012

hahahahhaha Look at how pathetic the camera is. Too pathetic. hahahhaa. Anyway, I'm back in Singapore by tomorrow night I guess. So sad ya know:( I wish I can stay longer but I cannot. Haiya. This means I'm going back home alone again. Mum is staying until my auntie and my brother gets a plane ticket back to Aceh. Which I do not know how long it's gonna take.

I hate to admit this but I miss that bloody guy. Chey no lah, not his fault. I'm just irritated that I can't stop this feeling. It's just stupid ya know? I am 17 I am suppose to be focusing on my studies right now. Haiya.

1:51 AM

muahahahahaha Sunday, February 26, 2012

I hate how you're on my mind every single minute. Even in Singapore, in the office, at home, everywhere. Even now that I am at Batam, you're still on my bloody mind. I just find it stupid. Cause I am 17, too young for heartbreaks, too young for relationship and I have so many more important things to think about rather than thinking about things that are not gonna benefit me in any way in the future. Shit lah, I hate this damn feeling. Can you like fucking go away cause I got no fucking time to layan all this shit and I have to focus on my on job training and my damn grades. I feel stupid cause I'm angry with my own feelings. Why is it so hard to dispose of this feeling. Please please please not now please I have so many things to worry about. Please feelings, go away please please please.

My company CEO said this to me "If you can register 10 people per day, your future is all set. Then he asked me about my plans for my future. Offering me private diploma. I do not know whether I should take private diploma or not or I should just go to higher nitec? Some say private diploma not recognize, some say private diploma is very good. But I know at the end of the day its all up to me anyway. What I decide now will determine what I am going to be in the future. When I was younger working in an office, never came across my mind before. I've always wanted to be an stewardess. Heels, customer service, the clothes that reveals my body shape, the traveling. But ya know, things don't go the way you want it. Expect the unexpected. You meet different people, get different advices, your future plans tend to change. Your perspective change. Your opinions change. Everything change as time flies. I didn't tell anyone about what my CEO said to me. Kak Fadilah thinks they have not offered me any places in SSA yet. haha. Little that she knows.

But anyway, I thought of taking up diploma then go to uni. I went to survey the private diploma thing that day. Go to uni then I think I am just gonna stop at university. No more higher than that. We woman, no matter how smart we are or how far we want to further our studies, we will always end up being a housewive. I wonder at what age am I'm gonna marry someone.

I read this book love under a headscarf. It seems that choosing a husband seem to be a difficult thing. It's not wrong to be choosy when it comes to husband. I mean who wants to end up with a pathetic husband that is so lazy and so meaningless anyway. If you ask me whats my type of guys I really can't answer to that. I am not shor myself. I mean do you have to have a type? Minah rep must be married to mat rep is it-.- I don't think so. I mean, you can fall in love with anyone. I know I am just 17 and I'm too young to think about all this but who cares anyway. Planning is not illegal right? Its better to plan now : what I want in the future. There is only one thing I am hoping for, when I grow up, I do not wish my marriage to fail. If you look around, there is so many marriage that failed. They can be married up to 22 years and yet they still file a divorce. It is a big waste but most couples do not care anyway. Ya know, some couples should know that divorce is not the way out. In Islam, divorce is not even encourage. "A husband is your life companion, find the right man" hahaha. Hhhm, I don't think I'm gonna get married at 29. That is too old. daff. Anyway, I think Its enough for today. HAHAHA. Too much to read right, but nevermind. I'm just typing out on what I think anyway.

Did I mention that I've reach Batam safely? Hehe, Alhamdullilah(: I am so happy to see my auntie and my second brother. Though not all my auntie are here, I'm still happy to see one of them anyway. I hope this dumb feeling goes away. If it doesn't, I will seriously go counseling. CAUSE I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING OF SOME GUY AT THE AGE OF 17. NEED TO STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY !!!!!!! GGODNIGHT

7:12 AM

burp bup Friday, February 24, 2012

I like this the most though. hehehehhek . thought its pretty ugly. muahahhahah

8:47 AM

WO KEAI LIAO

SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING BUT I DECIDED TO SHOCK SENDIRI IN FRONT OF COMPUTER.

8:43 AM

love maself

I look extra cultivated. HAHA. So far, my on job training is okay. I love the environment, I love the venue. Everything is okay for now. They had a meeting just now and I was called into the meeting room. I'm not gonna reveal what is being said to me in the meeting room. I just feel that it's better that whats spoken in the meeting room stays there rather than mentioning it and hurting one of my colleague. But don't worry it is a good thing anyway. A very good thing(: I am pretty satisfied with my performance at work but there is always room from improvement^^ I believe so. Anyway, my future path is kinda contradicting. I have to really sit down and re-plan my plans for my future. Where I'm gonna go, what I want to become in the future, whether this path is good or not, if I'm offered private diploma will I accept it or not, if I'm not offered where will I go. But I've already set my goals for my exam which is happening on the 14th March. I hope I get all A's, insyaallah. I don't wish to see any Bs typed on my nitec cert. Though it's just nitec cert, to most people nitec cert means nothing, I still have to do my very best for both on job training and my studies.

I have a lot of doubts about friends. Then I cleared my doubts by having a chat with my Cikgu Durrah. I reconsidered, thought about it then I finalized my decision. I think I'll just be closer to the NERDZZZ in my class. But that does not mean I'll forget Athirah Nura and Sri lah. They are like jokerzzz. Love them. But still I do not want to be close to people who gossips a lot. Its not them, its the people who .... I can't stand it. I'll just feel guilty thought it's not me that is gossiping I'll just tend to feel guilty. I am not referring to any of the 3 girls I've mentioned. These three are awesome. Really. I love them. Just some. The problem with some people is that they take gossip easily. They think gossip is nothing. "Gossip je ape salah kan." Salah besar, like duh. You don't know that so many woman suffered in hell just because they gossiped a lot. I do not wish to be one of those woman.

People should really stop asking "Kau tak nak mataer ke " "Kau tak contact sape sape ke". Yes, I do wish to have a boyfriend and no I am not contacting any guys like those date date thing. Every girl wants a boyfriend. But I'm just too preoccupied to have one and my mum do not let me have one anyway. Plus, so many adults advice me not to have one. So I don't have one. Anyway, I kinda planned what type of husband I want. HEHE. I mean this one is for the future luh. But it will change as time flies. But firstly, looks matter but not that important just 30% of the looks matter? Not so much to ask for. I want a well mannered, ada akhlak, very open minded, very gentleman, love kids, WILL PAMPER ME but at the same time guide me nearer to Jannah, recite the qur an to me when I can't recite it. Can I just marry a handsome & young ustad but older a bit than me instead? HEHEH. Chey tklah. No ustad would want me. Cause I am super.... super ... IDK, any negative word you can think of. I think I am very happy(:

I think I'm done blabbering, GOODNIGHT<3

6:46 AM

Focusssss Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I hate the fact that I am falling for someone. Im suppose to focus on my studies. Remember mairah focus focus. Just forget forget forget. You're just 17, heart not stable yet to handle heartbreaks.

3:31 AM

You you you you you Monday, February 20, 2012

I know most girls would be talking to the person they like and wants to attract that guy's attention. But for me, I am so fucking nervous when I am in front of him or walking pass him, ya know what I do. I look down . 100percent heads down one. I just feel its plain stupid but really cant help it lahhhhh in front of a guy you admire lagi. Haiya. Pengsan lah kalau hari hari gini. Have have have to dispose the stupid feeling off before it affects me.

5:35 AM

Under the headscarf Friday, February 17, 2012

I am never shy with anyone. I make friends with everyone. But if I am very very shy towards that someone to the extend that I won't even look at him/her........ there must be something. which is ... hahahha. faham faham je lah. hahahahha . okay bye.

6:24 AM

what are they for Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I am so bloody sad right now. you just dont know how much you've hurt me. a lot. its just that i dont say it.

9:09 AM

break the chains that bind me Monday, February 13, 2012

I am not very shor whether Im enjoying this work or not. I am not very shor whether i like working with my supervisor or not. It's more like a mix feeling ya know. I dont know. I just want to go to bed not worrying about tomorrow . No need to worry whether im gonna be late or not. I am so so so so tired.

4:15 PM

fitnah

I hate crying, really. I am currently typing this while crying. My mum said I am stupid, mentel, hopeless, useless, miyang. She loves to compare me with my cousin who is taking olevels. Me, Humairah, does not have a boyfriend and I am not contacting with any guy. I didn't went out with a guy for months already. I didnt touch a guy for months already. I've been performing mysolats, going to masjid, reciting the qur an, reading books about Khadijah, going for arab classes, learning new things from my manager. I wear eye liner because Nabi Muhammah alahyhi salam use celak. I wear very nice clothes that covers my aurat and I love to smell nice because Nabi Muhammad alahyi salam once said that we have to be clean and smells nice everytime.

I did not do well for nlevels because I was playful, but I was hardworking at the same time. I know I've disappointed you, but could you at least give some encouragement? Me as a daughter needs an encourging mum that will be there for her supporting through the hard times. Not being everybody else and demoralize me.

8:24 AM

like Saturday, February 11, 2012

I like you.

But trust me, its just irritating to talk to people about me liking someone else cause they will go "ohhhh, you're too young to have a boyfriend" UHM, let me repeat, I like him not THAT I WANT HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND. There is a big difference okay. I know lahhhhh 17 too young to have a boyfriend, haiyo. daff daff. Okaybye ! hehe . I hope we're going to the beach next saturday or friday, i miss the girls . really.

9:22 AM

no Thursday, February 9, 2012

If you ever baptize, i will never, ever ever talk to you again. I SWEAR. CAUSE I NEVER WANT TO SEE MY OWN BESTFRIEND BAPTIZE. MY OWN FUCKING BESTFRIEND WHO HAS A CLOSE FRIEND THAT LOVES ISLAM SO SO MUCH.

8:57 AM

you and you and me and me

Happy Birthday Sri<3 Love you india. HAHHAHA. Nahhh, joking. Love you baby. Thanks for wanting to kill me everytime, Thanks for making me laugh most of the times, thanks for entertaining my merepek-ness everytime. It was supposed to be a surprise but Nura was too obvious. HAHAHAH. But I really hope you enjoyed just now cause I did. I enjoyed today. Gosh, I love school so much<3

If only miracles happen. Goodnight<3

8:49 AM

YOU

I feel like I did not blog for a long time. Maybe for a few weeks? I'm not very shor. Plus, I'm too lazy to check when I last post. One thing for shor, I am very very very tired. I feel like taking a leave and just spend time with my bed one whole day. I am not very happy with the results I got just now. Very unhappy and I don't wish to look at my freaking paper. Can just throw it away. Deprived of sleep. I need my sleep and I need to start turning in early rather than tweeting. Tweeting is not important. Daff. I feel like Inas is treating me differently. When I met her that day, she seems formal. When I laugh she didn't laugh. hhmm. But it's okay. I don't want to make it like as if its a big matter anyway. Go with the flow. cheyyy. Anyway, I'm actually in school blogging. I am supposed to do a script but I type fast. HEHE. Working life is boring. Trust me. You should not hate school. You will really miss it when you leave school. Anyway, I think I like someone. But it's impossible anyway. Plus, I'm just 17 and I honestly think I should not think about this kind of things. BUT, I swear he's on my mind every single day even now. HAHAHAH. Ya know that feeling when you like someone cause he is sucha gentleman EVERYTIME you meet him or bump into him, you just can't resist not thinking about him. HAHHAA. I'm not shor he has a girlfriend or not. But anyways, I don't want to talk so much about him. Like I said I'm 17 and I shouldn't think about this kind of things. So yuppp, BYEEEEE . MWAHHH!

1:40 AM

Which part went wrong this time? Saturday, February 4, 2012

I am seriously hurt that Inas totally ignored my call. Ignore my message. I got no idea why. She suddenly said she was tired and her heels was hurting her and she wanted to go back home. So I "oh okay can". I mean yeahh she's tired. Then I whatsapp, tk layan. msg tk layan. Call, she ignored. Then I saw her tweeting. Now she's saying "we're both tired and we need some time apart". And I'm here in front of my laptop wondering, what the hell in the world that I did to her that she's trying to distant herself from me????? I am seriously so fucking sad. But its okay. I'm used to it already.

Doing nothing but blogging an listening to music cause I can't sleep. But anyway, gonna tweet or something. I can't sleep. xoxo.

10:20 AM

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