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muahahahahaha Sunday, February 26, 2012

I hate how you're on my mind every single minute. Even in Singapore, in the office, at home, everywhere. Even now that I am at Batam, you're still on my bloody mind. I just find it stupid. Cause I am 17, too young for heartbreaks, too young for relationship and I have so many more important things to think about rather than thinking about things that are not gonna benefit me in any way in the future. Shit lah, I hate this damn feeling. Can you like fucking go away cause I got no fucking time to layan all this shit and I have to focus on my on job training and my damn grades. I feel stupid cause I'm angry with my own feelings. Why is it so hard to dispose of this feeling. Please please please not now please I have so many things to worry about. Please feelings, go away please please please.

My company CEO said this to me "If you can register 10 people per day, your future is all set. Then he asked me about my plans for my future. Offering me private diploma. I do not know whether I should take private diploma or not or I should just go to higher nitec? Some say private diploma not recognize, some say private diploma is very good. But I know at the end of the day its all up to me anyway. What I decide now will determine what I am going to be in the future. When I was younger working in an office, never came across my mind before. I've always wanted to be an stewardess. Heels, customer service, the clothes that reveals my body shape, the traveling. But ya know, things don't go the way you want it. Expect the unexpected. You meet different people, get different advices, your future plans tend to change. Your perspective change. Your opinions change. Everything change as time flies. I didn't tell anyone about what my CEO said to me. Kak Fadilah thinks they have not offered me any places in SSA yet. haha. Little that she knows.

But anyway, I thought of taking up diploma then go to uni. I went to survey the private diploma thing that day. Go to uni then I think I am just gonna stop at university. No more higher than that. We woman, no matter how smart we are or how far we want to further our studies, we will always end up being a housewive. I wonder at what age am I'm gonna marry someone.

I read this book love under a headscarf. It seems that choosing a husband seem to be a difficult thing. It's not wrong to be choosy when it comes to husband. I mean who wants to end up with a pathetic husband that is so lazy and so meaningless anyway. If you ask me whats my type of guys I really can't answer to that. I am not shor myself. I mean do you have to have a type? Minah rep must be married to mat rep is it-.- I don't think so. I mean, you can fall in love with anyone. I know I am just 17 and I'm too young to think about all this but who cares anyway. Planning is not illegal right? Its better to plan now : what I want in the future. There is only one thing I am hoping for, when I grow up, I do not wish my marriage to fail. If you look around, there is so many marriage that failed. They can be married up to 22 years and yet they still file a divorce. It is a big waste but most couples do not care anyway. Ya know, some couples should know that divorce is not the way out. In Islam, divorce is not even encourage. "A husband is your life companion, find the right man" hahaha. Hhhm, I don't think I'm gonna get married at 29. That is too old. daff. Anyway, I think Its enough for today. HAHAHA. Too much to read right, but nevermind. I'm just typing out on what I think anyway.

Did I mention that I've reach Batam safely? Hehe, Alhamdullilah(: I am so happy to see my auntie and my second brother. Though not all my auntie are here, I'm still happy to see one of them anyway. I hope this dumb feeling goes away. If it doesn't, I will seriously go counseling. CAUSE I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING OF SOME GUY AT THE AGE OF 17. NEED TO STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY !!!!!!! GGODNIGHT
7:12 AM
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