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tired Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Honestly, I am so so tired sometimes I just feel like not giving a damn about anything and anyone. But I don't have the heart to do that cause I don't know. I just don't. I am mentally drained. I am so tired. I have so many things to do. I have so many things to take note of. I have so many people to inform about this and that and this and that.I have so many people to contact and recnfm about outings and bla bla bla. So appreciate it if I made time for you guys cause my schedule is velly tight.
If you realize, I am ALWAYS trying to amend things. I didn't sulk. Always trying to amend everything.
I really hope some day, someone is gonna appreciate me and not take an advantage of me cause yknow what im tired of it. okay. 300 more calls to go (: bye ! meeting inas on saturday. EXCITED !! 8:53 AM
mentally drained
Life without aims seems is going through life aimlessly. I want to be alone. Not with the office or friends. Im too tired to be around lots of people . Honestly, the last thing I need is a hug 4:41 AMliars Sunday, January 29, 2012
So you think its funny? Thanks a lot. 6:34 AMfatigueeeeeeeeeee
mmmm. The day I went dinner date with Inasbaby. pretty ugly actually. hahhaa. I am actually very very tired, really. Very tired. But I still have a script to do. I have things to organize. I'm taking a rest then I'll be back to work again. Thank god today is Sunday. Finally a rest after one whole week of running here and there. Busy woman. really. Guess what? Tomorrow my working hours is 8am-10.30pm. See how busy I am. When I say I'm tired, I am not complaining. Im just saying. Hate it when people say I'm complaining.
mmmm. I love Inas. She's awesome. But at the same time I miss Afiqah but I am so so busy and I am seriously trying my best to make time for Afiqah.
I wish I had a guy bestfriend. Open minded person, very fun outgoing and don't give a fuck even when use vulgarities, that won't judge me and lastly, wont fall for me-.- I freakin hate it lahhhhhhhhhhhhhh when that happens. But too bad all the guys are going for looks which Im no interested so ya bye.
Im tired. bye. Have a good day. i want to make love with my bed. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH mepek . k bye. bye bye bye bye baby bye honey bye sayang by darling bye dear dear dear honey. 12:13 AM
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I plaid ma hair to school ! because ......... cuz i just feel like plaid-ing it anyway. hahahaha. my hair too long. so rimas when i study and with my hair down. i look so ....... i dont know. hahahahha. i flooded my lap top pictures 6:56 AM
mwah !
I STEP CUTE IN FRONT OF LAPPY CAMERA. HEHEHHE. SOWY LAPPY :( LURP YOU SO MUCH LAPPY! HEHEHE. 6:50 AM
i am stupid or im not stupid or maybe i am most likely though
I am so so so down right now. I didn't get a good sleep yesterday night cause I had to take care of Aiman, re-edit powerpoint slides, sumbit report to my boss and bla bla bla. God knows things I have to do. And I slept late. Woke up on time. But I reached school late cause Aiman . Mum didn't bother to take care of him even for a while when she knows I have school. I didn't say anything. I went back home, so tired so so tired and all I got from mum was STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. AM I THAT FUCKING STUPID TO YOU? I didn't go sec 5 so im bloody stupid? those express people are so smart? and im the stupid one? IF IM SO SO SO STUPID I WONT KNOW HOW TO TYPE EVEN. JUST FUCK IT.AND THIS RUBINI. HELP YOU. NOW I GOT POLICE LETTER. FUCKING PISSED. FUCK YOU. FUCKING ASS. CALL ALSO DONT WANT ANSWER. I'LL MAKE SHOR I GO DOWN TO KK TOMORROW.
yknow the thing i hate about being a girl, i can just literally cry when im so so demoralized. like right now. I'm feel so.. down. so so down. and now im getting all the "are you okay" messages. Obviously im not okay. do i sound okay? no. absolutely no. Yor own mum calls you stupid. yor own mum says yor hopeless. obviously im no okay. No im not okay. no im not. I just need myself, to believe in myself and ignore every word my mum uses to demoralize me. If I can pull this through, im the most strongest girl i've known. I just have to be patient for 3 years and thats it. 3 years. thats it mairah come onnnnn.
and dear dear mairah, I wish you're not soft hearted heart. I wish you were meaner, I wish you were more selfish. I wish you're every negative word someone can think of. I wish you're way way way jahat. just rebel against everything and stop helping other stop caring stop everything. its just a waste of your fucking time and you're gonna get stupid shit in return. just some shits. humans are unappreciative so just dont give a fuck about anything. be selfish selfish selfish be self centered.
Im not stupid no im not. yes i am. NO I AM NOT STUPID. YOU BLOODY PEOPLE JUST FUCKING DON'T GET WE ITE STUDENTS ARE NOT STUPID AND NOT BAD INFLUENCE. DO YOU SEE ME SMOKE?! DO YOU SEE ME FUCK AT THE STAIRCASE?! DID YOU SEE ME DO A FUCKING BLOW JOB AT THE STAIRCASE?! DO YOU SEE ME FLIRTING WITH A GUY AT SCHOOL?! DO YOU SEE ME PLAYING WITH MY DAMN HAIR IN CLASS JUST TO ATTRACT BOYS?! NO?! NO?! SO SHUT YOR BLOODY BIG MOUTH. CAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST FUCKING STREROTYPES BIAS ONE SIDED. STOP ASSUMING STOP JUDGING. BEFORE I FUCKING PINPOINTING THE THINGS YOU DID. 4:06 AM
bye beyeeee Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I added everyone on al falah youths. Now I add already, find out everything already. Sekali Inas kate salah. Abeh I add everyone on Camp Aku , abeh org tu kate salah. Abeh mane satu betol? ah? ah? ah? penat penat spend time depan lap top add sume, copy paste bla bla bla. abeh salah. mampos... hahahahahah long time no talk to faizal. cheyyy. i think its 2 days i think. the last thing i whatsapp him was .... "hahahha" i think? I was too tired to type anyway. hahahha. I have lotssss of things to do. need to stop blogging. 6:55 AMfatigue
look at my fat face. I am so tired right now. God knows how tiring it is. I went to work in the morning with an Indian man following me. I had to call Firdaus to fetch me. Then when I walked with Firdaus I walked really really close. I was so scared. Then I had to rush home and change to accompany my mum to expo. I had to follow her around and everything. Endure Aiman's cry carry him and everything. And got one makcik pakai tudung tapi perangai . haiss... allah je lah tahu perangai die. Then I had to rush home for ngaji. I had to run so basically I ran a lot today. But for ngaji I ran kaki ayam. HAHHAA. others i ran with heels. I am so used to heels I can even run with it. If one day i run and i drop which i hope will not happen, but if it does, i'll just sit there and laugh at myself. really. hahahhaha. Now I have to check my e-mail and re-edit a draft my group member send me. What a last minute thing yknow. So fatigue already and I still have lots of things to do. I have to the laundry also. DAFF DAFF UH . I guess that's it for today. First day tomorrow. May the force be on my side. May Allah be with me, always insyaallah. amin.
Kenya, wait for me okay? mwah ! 6:27 AM
KENYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Monday, January 23, 2012
I think I've got all the things planned this year. I'm gonna save my salary. Then go to Kenya, the place I've always wanted to go. Not cause I want to go on a vacation. Cause I have always wanted to go to Africa and help people. I finally found the correct website. I'm so happy like !!!! HAHAHA. Really. Yknow the feeling of you've been finding for something for such a long time and you finally found it? That feeling! hahaha. I am so so happy right now. Vacation just don't crossed my mind. I feel like there is so much better things to spend on with my money rather than going on a vacation or just spending it on the things I want. I mean, why not I spend it on going to Kenya and meet the children there and teach them something that brings happiness for them. Well at least I did something good for once in my life. Not that I don't do good deeds. Just that a really really good thing. While the other teenagers are busy doing the things they want to do/gaining popularity/ wearing make up/ attracting guys. I have something wayyy better to do. Which is way way way better than sitting in front of this lap top and just typing. Gonna read that website and tell inas everything and ask for my mum's approval and call the website. HEHEHEHHE. MWAHHHH IM SO HAPPYY !!!!!!!! KEEEENYYYYAAAAA !!!!!!!! 6:45 AMkenya
I feel like going out with a guy. go cycling. go play arcade. play need 4 speed. go swimming. then go beach talk about stupid things. I WANNA GO TIMEZONE!!!!!!!!! I WANNA PLAY THE DRUMS THAT I USED TO PLAY IN SECONDARY SCHOOL !!!! ahhhhhh shittt hahahhaa my childish nafsu hahahaha . my salary on the 7th. dad giving me kachingzz in the eight. gonna ask one of my guy friend to go with me. anyway, i've already planned what to with with my salary im getting when i work for office. i get 600 plus per month. if i save it for 2 months its already $1200. if 3, $1800. then i wanna volunteer go kenya. help children there. The place and things I've always wanted to go. AND I REALLY HOPE ITS GONNA HAPPEN THIS TIME. 4:44 AMdown down down down down to earth Sunday, January 22, 2012
Deactivated twitter. Deactivated facebook. If I don't log into my twitter for 30 days it will automatically delete my account. Delete uh. I don't think I need twitter anyway nor do I need facebook. I have to say I got no mood today. Just fatigue I guess. Work was awesome that is why I am so tired right now. Though customers were not as many as the normal days, my manager and the others were super fun. 2 Indian and the others were Malay. I took one box macaroons home. I ate everything I wanted. I eat a lot, mind you. I'm supposed to be out window shopping with Firdaus, but the shops were closed. My last day of work is tomorrow. I'm not shor if Firdaus last day will be tomorrow or not. Cause if it is, then we'll be quitting on the same day. Masuk same same go through same same quit same same. HAHA. I didn't regret joining Delifrance. The previous outlet which I was posted to was Bishan and that was the very last Bistro. That was fun. VERY FUN. My manager was a guy and all the crew are guys. You know the fun thing about working with guys they don't take things too hard. And they are always joking around. And I'll be laughing and doing all the stupid faces and sounds. That was last year at Bishan.
At KK hospital I have my woman managers. One PMS one very naggy. But kind at times. AT TIMES ONLY. The others are fun. It's kinda sad thing tomorrow's my last day cause I won't get to see Qi Yong and Gong Chang(Quan Chian). Good start, good experience fun memories to be kept in mind and think about it in the future and laugh to myself. No regrets this time<3
It's a wonder why some did and why some just don't. Ponder upon something but nothing comes out. Wondering why but the answer is never answered. Asking what but nothing appears. Why? But nobody wants to answer. Who? But nobody is there. And how? Nobody bothered to. I'm very shor there's a reason to everything. And my reason is... Let's just keep it in between me and Allah.
"The concept was so absolutely foreign that I couldn't comprehend what she was trying to say"
To comprehend everything is to understand every single detail about it before you can use it but too bad some just ignore the basics, learn the advance as though they are smart people.
shouldn't you feel guilty for enjoying and not helping those in need? I think you should.
xoxo. 11:03 PM
dafffffffffffffffffffff
Firstly, I can't wait to get over this ITE school . Go through one year, go to higher nitec then poly. Which I have to work really hard. I am not gonna mix with the minahs in my class. God knows where they'll lead me to. Daff. Not being stereotyping or anything but all they care is their make up and eyeliner attracting the boys in ITE. Do I look like I give a damn to all that? No, obviously. I don't want to grow up and be a bimbo. I never had the intention to go school and wear make up and attract guys. I don't want to be with an ITE guy anyway. Most of them are super ... immature. I mean you go to school to study not walk around whistling at girls and asking for numbers. Mak belum boleh tanggun nak ade mataer, jalan sua-.- hahaha. Anyway, halfway through reading my " a walk to remember" book . I was sooo into the book just now, I was so oblivious to surrounding that I missed Yishun station. Pathetic much. Next book will be .... "The end of my world" by Emma Jackson. I wonder if it will be similar to Katy Piper? But Katy Piper is more of model and sabotage thing while the one I'm reading is... a girl being forced to be a sex slave. hhmmm. Last day in delifrance = CHIONNNGGG ALL THE FOOD !!! HAAHAHAH. salams (: 4:27 AMcook book
I want to go to the library and borrow a cook book . maybe tomorrow. I'll go straight to the library to borrow a cook book. a good one of course. I've never tried baking before. But I'll borrow baking book when mum buys me an oven ! hehe . But cook book is a must. I can learn all the dishes I want then I'll cook every Sundays. We can eat as a family. I think the last time we ate as a family was like 1234709800 years ago -.- hahaha. 2:47 AMzzzzzz Saturday, January 21, 2012
I'm half way done with my chores. Waiting for mum to finish finding her treasures-.- I can't clean my room if she's here. So hard to move around. I'll clean my room then solat zohor and recite qur an. I am so sleepy right now my pair of eye is half open. I have confession to make by the way. I am so fat. hahaha. bye. 8:32 PM
ass
I swear im so sad right now cause you just freakin disappointed me. so much of you being so diff from the others when yor just the same as the others. and yor pin pointing things that are not true. You've only known me for 3 weeks. just three weeks and thats all. You didnt even reach a month and yor saying all this. yor sucha freaking jerk. no wonder she rejected you. thank god i dumped you. 9:21 AMshit
sumpah sia saket hati bace tweet kau. tapi tkpelah ......... hidup berat sblah.............. im pissed like this !@#@$#$%#!!!!!! HHAHHAHAHAHHA. im seriously so pissed at the tweet i feel like deleting my twitter. 7:19 AMLONG POST. HEHEHEH MWAH !
HAHAHAHA. I think I was tired that time. Tired of my hair tired of my baju. DAFFF. I think it was Suhaily's bdae? 2 years back. OH YEESSS, I remember, too much wind till i was fed up with my hair I just anyhow slide it to the side. This is what you get for having long hair, and now ma hair is wayyy longer than this.
Anyhoots, I met my big boss, manager, supervisor. All of them seem nice. Well, everyone's nice. True colors are only shown when someone is angry. HAHA. I feel nervous for my first day of work on Wednesday. I know nothing about office work. But I do know how to use Microsoft Powerpoint, Word, Excel, Outlook. Any Microsoft you can think of okay baby? hahahha.
Anyway, everything been going smoothly. It seems though? I am very shor things will go hay wire when my work starts. Like balancing my time, handing up assignments and everything. My first event will be on 31st March at Marine Parade Community Centre. I GOT NO IDEA WHAT IM GONNA DO THERE ! HAHAHAHA. I've got lots of compliments from my manager and supervisor. Well that's because I'm good at talking. I talk a lot, really. HAHHAHA. That's why Inas,Dina and Lina and Amirah is so comfortable with sharing everything with me. AHHHHH, I miss them a lot. Really. Everyone is so busy god knows what they're doing. daff much .
Okay honestly, I am kinda pissed that my ex is not over me yet. Like seriously, get over the damn girl(which is me). Do I look like I am going to come back to you? Hell no. I'm being freaking honest here. I don't live in the past. I move on. So really stop hoping I'll come back to you. And I have no intentions of coming back to any of you anyway. Cause I got no intentions of having any relationship. I know i sound like a loser and I don't give a damn. Cause I know yor just going my my damn looks. whatever to you and you and whatever. hahahaha. Just stop hoping I'll come back lah okay baby. hahaha. I'm not being mean or anything, but time don't stop for you ya know? haha. get that in yor thick skull.
I can't believe I'm turning 17 already. Then I'll be 18 then 19 then 20 oh my god so damn old. HAHAHHAHAHA. I don't want to grow up so fast ya know :( I wonder if I'm gonna have a boyfriend if I'm 20? But there is just so much commitment to a relationship. I hate guys who don't trust me cause I don't lie most of the time. I'm always being honest.
Anyway, I've been whatsapping inas, Farhanah, Faizal lately. Faizal the most like duhh. He's a good friend i guess. Inas is my best best friend. hahahha. People should really stop assuming that i like faizal and faizal likes me. I am gonna kill kamal when i meet him. I swear I got no intentions like that kind. That's stupidest assumption made ever. Try harder okay. I'll probably fall for a ... idk? guys that are super romantic or something. hahahaha. but not now absolutely. IM JUST 17.
Anyway, I was thinking of .... being a lesbian for once. Sit on a girl's lap. French kiss with her. She putting her hands on my waist. But thinking of kissing her with my tongue JUST FREAKING DISGUST ME. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. So being a lesbian once = FAIL ! HAHAHAH. I'll probably do that to a guy. Not a girl. hhahaha. I know how to flirt lahhhh. It's just that i act stupid and say I don't know how to. hahaha. Which girl don't anyway? You'll eventually grow up and learn how to seduce a guy anyway. You'll grow up and learn how to finger fuck and everything. Everybody will grow up and learn those dirty things. I still remember how disgusted i felt when i learned those things. But you'll just experience it and everything will seemed idk? good i guess.
I think I'm done blabbering. Long post today. Cuz I got a lot to talk about. HAHAHA. merepek but still something I can laugh at when I grow up. HEHE. Okay goodnight. love me myself and i and you and you and you and you and you too and me and i and you and yours. K BYE. HAHAHHA.
"I would love to go to North Carolina one day just to experience the peacefulness,the calmness, and the beautiful horizon one day and of course, you beside me" - nicholas sparks 5:05 AM
hais Thursday, January 19, 2012
I can't believe this Faizal merajok with me -.- I'm like freakin 17 year old. and he's 20. Burok sia majok. hahahha. Whatsapp pun tk nk reply. daff. tkpelah. dah biase. lelaki sume same. haha. dah biase kene.
Anyway, first day of school was okay. But there is this one particular minah in my class that stared at me all the way. Din't realize it until athirah told me. andi was like "huh , yeke? biarlah ." HAHHA. Malas nak layan. Sape mau gy layan stare stare. Umor dah brappe nak staree. daff.
I have a meeting with my company on saturday. Madrasah on sunday. then work too on sunday till tuesday. Then my work officially starts on Wednesday with SSA. Kembangan is kinda far but oh well . What to do. hehe . Gonna be busy starting like right now cuz i have lots of homework to be done and no time to pujok pakcik Faizal. hahaha. sorry pakcik . okay bye blog . love you bloggy. 11:43 PM
hah
heart's hurt .
HAHAHAH Monday, January 16, 2012
mmmm. sedapnye. HAHHAHAHA. "MILLION MILLION MILLION " 9:41 PM
happy girl
3 girls called me. 2 broke up with their boyfriend. 1 had problems with her boyfriend. So I had to make them laugh and all of 3 laugh, duhh. But I think Inas started laughing when I I answered the phone like 3 mins after that. Inas can't cry with me, that's for shor cause she'll laugh when she talks to me. And Dina can't sulk with me for more than 15 mins, she too will be laughing when I talk to her. I don't know, maybe I sound funny? I was flattered when Inas say "WE NEED YOU" HAHAHA. Like they need me when they're down.
When they're down they find me. When I'm down I rather keep it to myself or vent it on path or something. But Alfi has been a good friend always trying to advice me. And sintia's mum always advising me too. She knows how my mum is and how demoralize I am. So yeah I guess she feels me. aha .
I've been whatsapping Faizal lately. Does that count as contacting? I don't think so. Cause most people contact cause they're like dating or cuz they fell for each other or something?? I got no intention of those kind of things. Faizal's 20 anyway, he's kinda like a a good friend to me? I think he's the only guy that has never maki me or anything. okay maybe not now? I dont know. guy are like ... unexpected sometimes.
So I am working on Chinese new year. I start school this thursday.
Anyway, I am happy cause Afiqah is happy when she's with Chan chan. They look sweet and everything but yeahh as long as she's happy I am too for her. And she's one friend I never wanna lose. When everyone else left me, she was with me going for recess and everything with me. And Inas too dina and lina and amirah and sabrina and everyone.
I feel happy today<3 bye ! xoxo. oh ya I MISS MY EXTENSION ! PINK:( 4:36 PM
demoralize
Sometimes... I feel like being a drop out you know? My mum never supported me in any ways. All she does is insult me, compare me. She never supported me. When I took my n levels all she did was demoralize me to the extend that i really really broke down before the paper. I am useless so why you expecting me to go sec 5? remember what you said about me, i am useless and stupid, you should be happy I am going to ite. haha. I am stupid what. I am being so so so patient, I'm just waiting for this one time when I cannot take it anymore, I'll just burst everything out. 2:57 AM
MWAH Sunday, January 15, 2012
Mairah shock sendiri ... HAHAHA . step cute. hahahha. yknow me. I'll flood your camera or your phone if you lend me yor cameras. HEHE . I mean which girl tk nk step cute depan camera yawww . HAHAHA .
Anyway, the day was spend well I guess? Wedding at Heeren. Trust me, I HATE GOING FOR MALAY WEDDINGS. But Sabrina's sake, I went cause she's my friend. And once yor my friend, yor very important to me. HEHE . Then I went Clark Quay with Amirah, my favorite place. Just sat there and talk and eat and everything. ahh I love Clark Quay. You can just sit there all day long and talk. I hope my future boyfriend brings me there in the future which is like .. idk when ? I am so ugly no guy would take a second look at me. HAHAHHA. nahh, I no need a bf now i think? Cause I already got inas and all. I dont know yaww maybe some day... BUT NOT NOW. MY traineeship is what im worry about right now.
Don't ask me bout valentine. Cuz I got no valentine for this year. I know I know, I had valentines for the last few years but not this year. No guy is gonna ask me out anyway. I am like ... I dont know how to describe myself actually. ugly i guess? hahaha. like ugly betty. I only had one guy confessing to me. But I said i had a boyfriend which is food but he doesn't know my bf is food which does not make sense at all. HAHAHHA . Honestly, it is sooo freaking boring when you don't have a boyfriend cuz you're so used to having one. But with inas and all by my side, sometimes it does not bore me at all. HEHE .
My second interview. I really hope its successful. really. If it's not that I really don't know what to say. Just keep praying. haha.....
"so many things to worry about, I am so sorry i got no room for you in my heart:( " HAHAHAHHAHAHA . emo pe mairah. chey tklah. kk bye baby honey darlingSSS. 6:21 AM
this Saturday, January 14, 2012
"Just close yor eyes, the sun is going down . you'll be alright , no one can hurt you now. come morning light . you and i'll be safe and sound" 5:36 AM
fish n co Friday, January 13, 2012
Today , interview was ... I don't know if I should call it interview cause they only asked me whether I know how to used all the Microsoft things. After that they explained to me what am I gonna do when I work with them. So it goes like this. I am not only going to be in the office but I am going to interact with people from Masjid and I am going to interact with grassroot leaders. It sounds exciting but I am very shor it is gonna be very tiring. But oh well, which work isn't tiring right? haha. So anyway, after that I went fish n co and clark quay. I think I love clark Quay. It is windy and I can just sit there and chat. I can just bring my future boyfriend there. HAHA. I mean not now, when I'm like 20 or 21 or something? I don't really want a boyfriend now. All I care for now is my traineeship and what am I gonna be 4 years down the road. I am 17 already growing up. I do not want to waste my teenage years and regret later. I am super worried right now, I really hope I am going to be accepted for that job, amin. I had an awesome day with the girls today, alhamdullilah. Goodnight(: 7:30 AM
sometimes Thursday, January 12, 2012
Its kinda confusing sometimes, i guess. 7:56 AM
17th Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I already have aims for this year. And I really really want it to happen. Not just words. I don't know how's life in ite. But I am very shor that I don't want any boyfriend for this year, fuck heartbreaks, fuck boys, fuck relationship. To hell with sweet talkers. Cause this year, I really want to work hard. I don't want to be playful and end up with bad grades for everything. I'm 17 already. I'm gonna grow anyway. I don't want to be living a meaningless life down the road.
Cause it does not matter where you come from poly ite or jc. As long as you're willing to learn, Allah is willing to help you. Even if it means ITE. Its okay to fail now rather than later but that does not mean you need to purposely fail. You just have to work hard and make the best out of everything you're doing. You live once, why wanna waste it? we grow older each day, we'll never know when we gonna die. make the best out of everything you're doing. 4:42 PM
Sunday, January 8, 2012
bored... hahahhahhaha. i know its ugly. 12:09 AM
Thursday, January 5, 2012
im bored. and i got nothing to do. 6:42 AM
sigh
Yknow Im actually crying while typing this. I feel so so sad cause everyone on twitter talking about them going to poly and my secondary 5 friends talking about going to poly. And how happy they are to be able to go to secondary 5. While me, I've worked so hard for n's and this is the results i've gotten. I don't know. I just feel sad, disappointed and just heartbroken. And seeing them getting their ite application results while mine is still waiting. I;m just too sad to face people. Its like people ask how's my result and i have to answer "im from normal aca and I did not make it to secondary 5. And they will give me some pathetic faces or pityful faces. I don't need yor faces. I already know whats in yor mind. Just suck up back that face of yors. I don't need it. Cause deep inside you're hurting me. Really hurting me.Sometimes, I just feel like I'm all alone. Friends are only there with you when you're happy and not when you're down. I am so sad today, really. I feel so down i dont feel like pathing anymore for now. Everybody says im outgoing. you just dont know how depress im feeling on the inside. 4:00 AM
insults Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I feel so damn down I don't feel like I'm worth it. Feel so useless. Iqbal and Haikel went ngaji without me. Baru nk ngaji, dieorg lupekan kakak. Sedih sia. Hais, It's okayyyyyyy come on mairahhhh. I've been waiting for this damn ite results. I cant wait to start school. I cant wait to end ite. I cant wait for so many things.Mum can be so harsh sometimes, yknow? She keeps insulting me everytime. It seems, everything I do, to her everything is wrong. What the... I don't understand her. She demoralized me when I was taking nlevel, she called me stupid, she called me useless. I'm already so dumb so why you still scolding me cause I'm going to ite? Isn't this what you want? Just fug everything. Sometimes, I wonder why I can't have an understanding mum. I know I have to appreciative, but insulting me everyday. You know how hurtful it is? You don't know how patient I've been. You didn't even congrats me for reaching qur an. I don't know why you're so... sometimes. I know you're my mum, I have to appreciative, I have to be understanding, but insulting me every single fucking day, you think i like it? nobody's perfect mum. You don't know how sad i am fucking an. just fuck everything. 4:47 AM
boring
im so bored right now-.-
boring start of 2012
Cause I'm bored and I got nothing to do. shock sendiri .... hahaha. My hair looks thick when its actually not. But nevermind, nobody's gonna see it anyway. I've been rotting at home from just now. I'm just too lazy to go out yknow? It takes so much effort to dress up and pick a dress and all. Mum can be quite embarrassing sometimes. haha.
I wished somebody would play me the song "here with me-all about us ft owl city" for my bdae. Record it or something for a birthday present. But i've got no boyfriend so I don't think I'm gonna get it anyway. hahaha. Maybe someday i don't know? haha. I really love the guitar sounds of this song. hahhaha. I'm feeling neutral today. Boring start of 2012 huh. haha. I'll end it here.
Kinda funny cause I'm the only one that reads my own blog. HAHAHA. byeeeee(: 2:56 AM
im no asleep yet. Monday, January 2, 2012
look at my eyebags.. now i look old hahahahha .
first day of school
I forgot which year was this photo taken. I think I was wearing a tube dress. I look cute though. HAHAHHA. nahh, kidding. I'm the ugliest girl alive, and that's a fact.
Done ironing my brothers clothes. Done cleaning my wardrobe. I have to wake up early tomorrow to make them breakfast. I don't want my brothers to go to school with an empty stomach. It's their first day of school for 2012 anyway. wanna make them excited to go to school.
Firstly, I am seriously sad that Haikel smokes and he keeps lying to me everytime. I'm not a kid yknow? And i come from the same school, northland. A year with him in the same school is fabulous, cause I get to joke around with him and meet him, hug him, go to school together, check on him. Those things brothers and sisters do. But this year he's without me. And he is in the normal technical stream. Nss technical stream is just. I don't know. Im worried but i guess sometimes, you just have to stop being worried sick for them cause they're growing up.
And i still remember iqbal first day of school in xishan. He kept hugging my legs. hahaha. I love my brothers. Its just that sometimes, they can be unappreciative.
Aiman's mum send aiman to my house just now. Firstly, aiman was smellyyyyyy, ya allah. Secondly, she didn't even put aiman's pants on-.- Thirdly, Aiman slept peacefully, he didn't cry, he didn't even move. Yknow what this means? It means Aiman didn't sleep the whole day yesterday. Cause usually when he sleeps, he'll cry cause he's thirsty. Does his mum take care of him properly? I'm not his mummmmmmm but im so fugging worried. he's just 2 months old.
Aiman's mum is the same age as me. But the funny thing is, how come you're not taking care of your child properly? 7:01 AM
motek
Motek is something some couples do. Honestly, speaking, most of the couples I talked to they last long is because of motek. Some even lose virginity already. How you get fucked so fast? I wonder too. It's like you're only 15 or 14 and you lose your virginity already. It's kinda sayang, don't you think so? I know motek feels good .. but to the extend that you lose your virginity, your boyfriend must have been aiming to fuck you rather than being with you cause he loves you. Things i hate about guys, they go for looks. You got no body no looks they won't bother to know you. YEPPPPP, I have to admit my one pathetic ex is like that. More like using girls body.I know i wear hijab I'm not supposed to talk about this. But heyyy, I don't live under a rock yknow? It's not like I didn't went through this things. And once again, I come from northland, northland ain't no good school. Guys watch porn behind the class, people talk dirty. to sum it up, most of them are open minded, that's why I am open minded. And I'm not talking about this cause im dirty minded. hahahha. That's just stupid. Never give your body to a guy you love, I SWEAR ITS A FREAKING WASTE. 12:06 AM
DAFFFFFFF Sunday, January 1, 2012
AMACIAMMM . HAHAHA . If atqa see this face she will go step fierce. HAHA .I just woke up. I know right it's kinda late for a girl to wake up at this timing. I slept at 6am yesterday. Mum asked me to go Bugis but I'm so lazy to go out. I rather stay at home and do chores.
I got no idea what I'm feeling today. Inas is with Nurdin, Lina with her boyfriend , sabrina with her khai , dina with her chinese boyfriend, afiqah with Chan chan . WAH PIANG LIAO . None of my close friends got no boyfriend. Korang baru nak mataer eh ? HAHAHA . Anyway, inas with nurdin, their date is on the 1st jan. smart nurdin. I just hope this girls won't end up getting heart broken. I mean, first few months of r/s, you'll always feel happy. But you'll only get into fights like starting from the 4th or 6th month. The painful feeling of you when you break up with your boyfriend is painful,just hope inas won't go through that cause she's like the innocent type.
I got the first few steps. I just need to learn a few more then I'll break the song down, and mix it with another song, but not korea of course, tecktonik kay? CHEYY. hahhaa, tecktonik dh expired. tklah, it's so hard to learn kyle hanagami steps yknow.
Don't you wonder why, people don't give a damn about you but you still care? IT IS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO NOT GIVE A DAMN.IM LIKE SO STUPID LIKE THAT. Can you believe it? I'm 16 and I still can get conned. URGH. stupid me.
2 guys still waiting for me. One waited for months another one waited for weeks. I wonder if they know the word "move on"-.- I didn't know until Nazir told me when I on the phone with him. 11:34 PM
crushes
Sometimes, one of the best feeling ever is being in a relationship. Cause you feel like you're pampered you feel love you feel like he means the world to you. But that depends on the guy. I ain't gonna fall in love again cause that's just dumb yknow? I don't know. I'm still 16. I feel so gullible. Sometimes, I do wish i had a boyfriend but most of the time i just wished I don't. I think I had enough already last year. All the things I've been through just made me depress and waste my life away. I don't want it to happen again this year, i hope<3 goodnight(: 1:32 PM
leopard print
I was so angry and sad in the afternoon just now. yknow why? cause amirah used my phone yesterday and I don't know what she did and i can't connect it to my laptop. Firstly, its my new phone, secondly she spoiled it which pissed me off. I'm not gonna scold her of course. I don't have the heart to scold her or tell her that she spoiled my phone. She's small and timid, I don't think I wanna make her cry. She's my friend anyway. I feel so dumb sometimes. It's her fault and I'm not gonna do anything, I know its stupid. But she's small and timid even though she's older than me. And she's kinda weak.
Anyway, I dream about faizal yesterday. You can call it a stupid dream cause I don't even know why he existed in my dreams. HAHA . It's not like he is someone I miss or anything, just a masjid friend and he existed in my dream. hahhaa. But nvm, let's forget about that.
My new year's eve was well spend with the inas and the others, im lazy to list out all. But all I know, its fun. No sin, all girls outing, picnic, talk about good things learn each other's attitude. I have to admit I didn't regret knowing them. I love them like so much. hahhaa.
I miss dressing up. I miss it so much but I dont want the past to rewind. so yup bye.
I don't want to be close to hypocrite people. I just don't want. I don't want everything to rewind. I'm so sorry. 7:51 AM
I say "GO GO GO..."
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